Finding Energy for Your Business Amidst Chronic Illness With Diane DeJesus

00:00 - Nikita Williams (Host)
I am so excited for you all to join me for this episode with my client, diane de Jesus. We are talking about her journey from dealing with and healing through PMDD. And when I say healing, like you guys know, I don't mean like we are healed, like I don't not have endometriosis anymore, I don't not have fibromyalgia, but feeling more whole, living with our chronic illnesses so that they don't stop us from creating what we want to create. So in this episode I get to talk with our client. You get to hear how she has been able to bring alignment into her life and in her business through working with me as a coach and using one of her favorite tools that she loves helping her clients with, which is mindfulness. We talk about how she has been influenced in her life personally and professionally and deciding where she wants to go and what she wants to do when it comes to living with her chronic illness and how different aspects of trauma and PTSD and things like that have affected her circumstances and how she made the decision to support others living with PMDD. The thing I really want you to pay attention to is that none of my clients and specifically in this episode you will hear are perfect. These are not clients that don't still have flare, ups and challenges and things going on with their life. What they do have is support, and they do have people and me, more specifically, helping them to design the type of business that serves their life. Diane will share with you in this episode how she has moved and been traveling, taking care of her son, taking care of her own family and her husband, all while dealing with the ebbs and ups and downs with her chronic illnesses, while still being able to launch a podcast within 30, I think it was in like 90 days, being able to get asked to speak on a world stage talking about her expertise and her niche, and now serving others even more in her own business, as well as sharing her knowledge with other communities. So much has happened, and this can happen to you, too. So many of you are already know. Like you already know, this is something I hear from all of my clients. You are, like I already know I want to work with you, but I'm waiting for the perfect time. I'm also waiting for my situation to feel better, and I challenge you to listen to this episode with ears and hearts open, so you can see that it's not going to be a perfect time ever to invest in working with a coach, but if you want to get to the next step, even while dealing with what you've got going on and feeling more empowered to do so, feeling okay with taking a break and still creating results, then you want to stay tuned and listen to how Diane and I have been working together and how this can help you too. Also, you'll get some tools and tips just from Diane's own personal experience of living with her own chronic illness and how she's been able to navigate that from her own journey. So stay tuned. 

03:19
Welcome to Crafted to Thrive, the globally ranked podcast for entrepreneurs living with chronic illness. I'm your host, nikita Williams, and after being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses myself, I figured out the surprisingly simple missing links to growing a profitable business without compromising my health. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same. If you're ready to own your story and create a thriving business that aligns with your health and well-being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for entrepreneurs with chronic illness. This is Crafted to Thrive. I am so excited to have Diane my client and just awesome woman. She amazes me in so many different ways she does not even know, but anyway, I am so excited that you're here. Please tell us who you are and what you do. 

04:24 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Oh, my goodness, thank you so much. Well, first of all, thank you for having me. This is so exciting. My name is Diane De Jesus. Well, I'm currently living in Austin, texas, but I'm originally from New York and spent several years living in London, and I am currently a mindfulness teacher specifically for people living with PMDD, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder. 

04:50 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, and I am excited because your journey of us working together has been one of the most interesting ones when it comes to alignment. Every time I think of you and I think about your journey in our coaching container and getting to know you, I feel like it reflects a bit of my journey of entrepreneurship and life, of the intentionality of alignment, and you literally happen for you in a way that it happened for me. So before I I don't want to tell the story because it's your story, but when we she's like wait, what are you talking about? What do you mean? So when you first came into my world, I think you had an idea of what you thought you wanted to be doing with what you currently had already known and all of that stuff. So tell us a little bit about your background, like your history in your career and your profession. 

05:47 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Oh sure, well, so way back in my professional history I was working in marketing, marketing and media planning and somewhere along the way I realized that I was looking for more of and actually this was my first inkling that I was looking for alignment. I was looking for more of an alignment between the things that were important to me and my work, and so now I realized that that's more of a values alignment that I was looking for. At the time I didn't quite understand. It was just kind of a feeling that I was going with. Yeah. 

06:26
And so what I did was I went back to school to study nutrition, to become a dietitian, because sort of like preventative health was really important to me. I was really into nutrition and dietetics just as me, like that was the thing I was fascinated by, yeah, and so I decided to go back to school. I continued on in the marketing industry. While I did that, went to school at night, eventually went full-time to do my dietetic internship, which is something that you can take your exam to become a dietitian and I started working as a dietitian, but within the marketing space. 

07:12
It was a really, really cool for me hybrid of still being in the marketing space but doing it as sort of someone who was the specialist within a particular area, really like an educator and a translator, like translating the science to the general public. Yeah. Kind of like the nutrition properties and health benefits of certain food brands. Okay, yeah. 

07:43
So I moved to London and I'm still doing that and after a couple of years I have my son. I have a six-year-old son and with the birth of my son I developed PTSD first and I went into therapy for that after a while and the therapy was working really well and then about a year into that I realized like all of a sudden it wasn't working the way it was. 

08:16
It was kind of strange Symptoms would come up that I was like completely powerless against, like all the tools and the toolbox were just not working. And I discovered and then it was confirmed by a doctor that I had PMDD, which is a condition where, in the simplest terms, your brain just sort of hyperreacts to the normal hormonal shifts of the menstrual cycle, so like everything's going along like normal in the menstrual cycle, but your brain can't handle it and just has crazy responses and you know it comes with really debilitating physical symptoms. 

09:00
you know psychological and emotional symptoms and then even cognitive symptoms which can make it really hard to work or to learn or to process information, and so, as you can imagine, that can create a lot of challenges for someone who has PMDD and is trying to live a normal life, going to work every day, interacting with people you know and having to, like kind of you know, ask their brain to do what they want it to do when they want it and the brain's just not responding. Yeah. 

09:42
So for me it was a ton of brain fog, inability to access information that I knew I had in there, even like difficulty reading. You know I'd be like I'm reading, I'm looking at the words and I just can't process what I'm seeing. Some people have like speech issues they may get like slurred speech or just can't find the words to articulate what they're trying to say. Yeah. 

10:10
And I continued working in the way I was working while living with PMDD for a while. But, oh my God, it was a constant source of like. Even it like exacerbated all my symptoms. It was like a constant source of like. Even more anxiety, yes, more panic attacks, even more stress, even more self-doubt and then self-loathing, because what would happen is I would get a request for a particular job and instantly I'd panic, I'd have like a panic attack. You know, like I'm playing all cool and I'm like, yeah, that's great and like the timeline sounds great. 

10:54
And then, oh God, how am I gonna do this? 

10:57 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yes, yeah, yeah. 

11:00 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I'm gonna be able to make it on time. How am I gonna feel? Like you know it's my time. I don't know if I can do it. Yeah. And this was a constant, never ending cycle, because I would be in these symptoms for up to two weeks every month. It was inevitable that there were gonna be times where I'm going to have to work and I'm going to feel like I have zero capacity for it, completely incapable of work. But what else am I gonna do? Yeah. 

11:29
And I kind of chugged along like that for a bit. 

11:32 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, it was like the acceptance like what I call it of it's like the numbing acceptance is not real, it's not true acceptance, it's just like the impossible I don't even know what the word is, I know what you're saying like I have been there. Where it's like you're in this defeated. There it is is the defeated acceptance. Where you're like well, my life is gonna suck and this is gonna suck and this is what it is and I don't. There's nothing I can do to change it, right, yeah, yeah, just gotta operate like this. 

12:02 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, like resign to the fact, yes, that this is what I've gotta do. Mm-hmm. There can't be. This is just what it is. There cannot be any other way around this. 

12:11 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Right, yeah, totally have been there, totally have been there. 

12:15 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Totally yeah. And because it's not true acceptance, and because you're in a cycle of all these painful, challenging emotions, you're stuck having to re-confront all of that over and over again. 

12:31 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, it's like getting slapped over and over again. When you know you're gonna get slapped, it's like the worst, it's the worst feeling. And then like, at the same time, you're bracing for the slap because you know it's gonna happen. You're not even trying to move out of the way of the slap, you just are like in the slap, like it's happening, it's happening, like I totally know that feeling. Yes, absolutely 100%. Get you. Yep, I'm right with you For the slap. Yeah 100%. 

13:01
Yeah, you know it's coming, you know you could bob and weave technically, but you're like why? Why would I do that? It's just gonna be more complicated. Like no, I'm just gonna stay here, right. 

13:11 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, yeah. So I did that for a while. I'm not sure how I pulled that off, but I did that for a while. And then I started to think. Actually, prior to that, prior to like, where I really started to approach, trying to find alignment again, I did have some success with some symptoms, with the help of my dietitian, and so at that time I remember feeling a little better for a brief period of time and suddenly thinking I was just gonna dive back into all the things and it was gonna be great, problem solved, it's over, done. I did that family do thing for a while and we've not. 

13:58 - Nikita Williams (Host)
I mean, it happened, but like I'm over it now totally. 

14:01 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I briefly went searching for roles locally where I live now, that were in the space of dietetics or lactation consulting, because when I was in London I had also worked with a mostly volunteer-based organization for breastfeeding support, and while I was still in London I went through all the steps to become a lactation consultant. So here I am. I'm thinking. 

14:35
I've got some relief from symptoms and I'm gonna try to get back there and just work. Work in that way, in kind of the I keep to say the traditional sense, but that's not what I mean. But you know what I mean like going out, going out to a place here's my job. 

14:54
And I very quickly realized that wasn't gonna work because there were there were so many elements I would come across with different job opportunities that I realized, oh well, even though I'm feeling a bit better, I don't think I have the capacity to handle that, or my cycle is gonna keep coming back around and most certainly there's gonna be like a conflict as far as timing with things I need to do, or if I've got to be sort of like on call or as neat you know. 

15:27
And so at this time I decide, okay, I'm gonna look into working for myself again, which I had dabbled with quite a lot over the years on the side of my regular work, and I went looking to see if there were any resources out there for starting your own business or growing your own business when you've got a chronic illness, and it was mostly like a barren desert. 

15:57 - Nikita Williams (Host)
It, was it still kind of is. I'm over here, still in the corner, like I'm here, I'm here. 

16:02 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Oh my God, seriously. I mean, you know, there was like a blog post here of I don't know, maybe one podcast interview there. You know what I? Mean. Like such a dearth of really good resources. And then I found a workshop you had been doing on Facebook. I started looking and I think at like your website and things and maybe like interviews. 

16:27
You've done another podcast and just was really drawn to your work and we had a call together and I remember I was laughing earlier when I said, oh, I thought, oh, this is over, I'm gonna jump back in, cause I remember early on in our work together you said remind me how long ago was this that you didn't feel better? And I'm like, oh, I don't know, two free months baby. 

16:59
And your point was I really didn't sit in that time at all to really kind of recalibrate and reassess and really see how I was feeling, I really think about what I needed next. And so early on, yes, I came to with one sense of what I wanted to do and as we worked together that began to evolve and transition. Because every time we worked together, even as we followed the path of kind of trying to get to that first idea, that was the idea. Every time, I would step away with a better and clearer sense of what I really wanted and really needed. Uh-huh. 

17:57
And, ultimately, what I discovered was that, at least right now, what I needed is what I've been calling for myself recently radical alignment. 

18:12 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, I remember that boxer message when you were like I have finally come to the acceptance and I was like, okay, we are aligning this whole heck out of everything now. 

18:26 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yeah, yes, and to your point, yes, that was right before that I started to read. What happened was I started to realize that, no matter how many tools I've gotten my toolbox, no matter how many skills I've learned, no matter how much symptom relief I find at any point in time, life's going to keep moving and changing Kind of all the different pieces that I'm working with are going to keep kind of changing and moving around. My body's going to respond. I'm still going to come up against times that are really really difficult and challenging. So, okay then, how can I work with that? And just before that moment of like I'm going to have radical alignment, I decided okay, actually I think I need to stop doing more things to do to figure out and instead focus on my mindset. And I think I got to that point because for a long time I had been using mindfulness and developing my mindfulness practice as one way of managing through my experience of PMTD. And then I had the really pleasant surprise and good fortune of having multiple people that I was working with, actually sort of from my perspective almost folding in this mindfulness also for me and work 

19:54
together. So there was you, there was my dietitian, there was my therapist and I realized, yeah, it's not, it's no more about like the supplements and the walks and the vegetables and it. Now it's time to work on like really accepting where I am, whatever that means, and like going with that instead of fighting it, and I thought it's going to be like a more of a process. The crazy like moment of realization for me was like the second. I said it out loud, like I'm going to accept this. It was like a light switch. Yeah. 

20:34
It changed everything. 

20:36 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Everything. 

20:37 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Instantly. Yeah, I was shocked. 

20:44 - Nikita Williams (Host)
It is amazing how that works yeah. 

20:48 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
And so, from then, I decided yeah, I'm going to like lean in all the way, and what for me? What that meant was what I wanted and needed was just to align my life so that and we've talked about this many times before so that I didn't feel like my energy had to like be separated into all these different silos. Yeah. 

21:09
Because for me that was the biggest struggle feeling like I had to shift, shift my focus and shift my energy all the time. That was very exhausting and depleting for me. The way I came to bringing everything into alignment was realizing that I wanted to share this wonderful thing that I had discovered of how to apply mindfulness to PMDD, to live better with PMDD, to navigate all of the psychological and emotional and physical symptoms that we experience. And then on my end, it meant that also, I get to just live my life as I'm living it and that informs my work. Yeah. 

21:52
And then I get to benefit from my own work. 

21:55 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, and it's so cool how you did that Diana was. So I felt like so, going back to where I was seeing the beginning, I felt like this must have what it looked like from the outside when I went through this process, because literally I had like even you talking about it right now I remember my friend saying was like, literally, seeing what you just said, it seemed like it was just like a light switch when you decided that you're going to like coach people with chronic illness, like it just kind of the way you showed up, the way you talked about things, the way everything just felt so much easier and we were like, what's she doing? And it was like I think it was only because she decided and that's that's the hugest thing, with acceptance. To me it's actually an actual decision versus what we were talking about before, which is not really a decision. We kind of felt like we were pushed into making that choice of like I'm going to get slapped, okay, great, I can't change anything. 

22:52
Versus like, yeah, I'm going to get slapped, I'm going to Bob and weep, right, like I'm going to figure some ways out of like not always to just get smacked in the face Like there's a better way. Maybe the slap has a glove on it, it doesn't hurt as bad, like I don't know, but it's going to be different. I'm deciding now, right, and I think that's what you're saying is like realizing like this is here and that's okay. First, that's okay, and I also enjoy, like when I've seen you. Like one of the challenge I feel like you kind of really work through is like the feeling of picking up, starting over, picking up and starting over, and it's a mindset of like it's never starting over 100%. 

23:38 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I absolutely yeah, I think, especially because I made so many, or what felt like so many, transitions in my work. Even as I always grew closer and closer to feeling like I was finding alignment, I was honoring my values, there was always a part of me that felt like oh no, but now you're abandoning or giving up on that last thing you did. 

24:09 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Now also, you're starting fresh, like literally from scratch and I feel like you're not starting from scratch. I promise you you like have so much more momentum than you give yourself credit for. Just because you decide to pivot, just because you decide to really grow through what you went through, doesn't mean you're starting over. Like I think about it, I've been getting into plants recently because we have to plant our flower bed this in the front of our house and I learned something and I was like this is so fascinating. So certain plants have like these bulbs in the, instead of like the root system, they're more like bulbs, and so if you slice them in the right way, you can literally just take that bulb and like plant it and it becomes its own plant. 

25:00
So you didn't start over, even though it's in a completely different area of a different place. It needed that bulb from. The center of all those things and it's the same thing, I think, for most of us is that we have to kind of go through all of these different seasons of discovering, of growing, so that when we're ready to be planted into this new place, we can like thrive even more. So Right, and so that's what I have been seeing with you is just seeing this beautiful alignment of like self, compassion and love and grace with like, yeah, I'm flowing through this. I don't feel like I'm starting over, I need to prove anything to anyone. I'm just doing what feels good for me right now in the season and I'm okay if that might change later, but this is where I'm at today, right? 

25:50 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, 100%. And now these days I totally see how it's not starting from scratch. I see it all the time now. For example, like in the various trainings that I did when I was doing lactation support, I learned a great deal of counseling skills and how you know how to just be in front of someone who's asking for your help, and that's such a skill that can be translated to gosh so many years, like every area of life. 

26:27
I wouldn't have had that without, you know, going through that, that process of being like a breastfeeding peer support person. There's many other ways that I've, you know now, been reflecting on it and I can see the connection. It's not like, oh, I did that and now that I want to do this thing, all that time is just wasted time. Yeah, not at all. Yeah, it's not at all. It all got me to where I am now, even now. Even now with launching my podcast. There's so much that I've been having to having to learn about in terms of the tech stuff, but back when I was becoming a dietitian, this was like 2007, 2009. So a lot of social media was just kicking off. 

27:25
I remember a friend, you know we're on like a van from one hospital to another and she's like telling me about this thing called Instagram, but I don't know how to pronounce it P interest, what is it? You know? Like just coming out, yeah. 

27:41 - Nikita Williams (Host)
I remember, I remember those days. 

27:43 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, and I remember, like in my dietetics classes, we were being told like what, no matter what it is you want to do, no matter what direction you want to go in, you need to start a blog. And you know, and I'll like start a good blog, okay, fine. And then later on I'm creating my own website and I'm trying to do it all myself. Yeah. 

28:02
And I'm reading articles and I'm watching YouTube to like learn how to do it, and now, as I'm going through all these like techie learning curves again, as I get my podcast going, there's a comfort level. Yes. And I'm like. I'm going to do this challenge. I know that like, yeah, I'll figure it out, I'll find the rooms. I'll learn it's fine. Yeah, it's not so stressful. 

28:31 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, yeah, you're so right. I also feel like also as chronic illness warriors in general. I always personally and this also what I think I tried and still, when I'm coaching with you, I'm like y'all are already like really good at hard stuff, like you're already really good at figuring out, even in the organization, like even in the the, the not so good mindset of living with chronic illness, like in the context of like I'm just going to be here Right. Even in that mind thought, we're extremely creative in how we find the time and energy to do anything else other than sitting bed and being in pain. 

29:15
And so I truly feel like because a lot of times we're beating ourselves up about our enableness, like the feeling of being disabled or actually being disabled. We beat ourselves up from that that we lose sight of our ability to see what we have accomplished, even in all of this pain, even in all of this uncertainty. Don't know what's happening in this. And so I guess one of the questions I was going to ask you when you were talking earlier is just like what has been something now that you're looking kind of back, and not to say that we aren't ever going to go back into the dark cloud, because it happens, y'all, I'm just saying it happens. What has been the biggest mindset shift or aha in regards to your capacity to do something? 

30:10 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
The biggest mindset shift or aha, and in terms of my capacity, I think it's just realizing that, if one, if it's something that's true to me, that's really something that I really want, that's what my? Value is not something that I'm feeling pushed to do. 

30:32 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Exactly. 

30:33 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
The capacity is there and then it's just kind of being like aware of where I'm at in any given moment one and being like okay with that and being kind to myself about it. 

30:49
If I feel like, for example, maybe my energy is low or symptoms are really bad and realizing that there's always something I can do that's getting me closer to that goal, just may not look how maybe I originally thought it should look. So maybe I work a little bit differently, maybe I do a little bit less, maybe I don't do, for example, writing a podcast script or recording on Days when I've Got like crazy cognitive going on, because I know that's just gonna be harder anyway. Rain, that's not like fully online, you know, it's just like why. 

31:39 - Nikita Williams (Host)
It's bad, You're not gonna sit there. I think what happens is you're not gonna sit there and try to force yourself to do it then, because that's what you think you should do. 

31:49 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, so one thing you always say is like in different ways you kind of always encourage me to think about, like what's the easiest way to do this, or I just lost it. But the idea is like how can we make it happen? But just change our view around the way to get it done. Yeah. 

32:16
Does it happen in a more elongated timeline? Do we take our time? Does it happen in smaller bits? Do we think about like, ultimately, what like? If you look at the objective, I think a lot of what we do together is like what's the objective of the thing we're talking? About. Cause I can get a cut up in the details and the frills. 

32:38 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yes, we all do, we all do. 

32:41 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Or like I'm gonna use this program in a minute, put up four minutes and you're like, okay, what's the easiest way? 

32:47 - Nikita Williams (Host)
But how can we simplify? This yeah, yeah. 

32:51 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Cause. Then what happens is, like, all of a sudden, before I know it, I am, more quickly than I thought I could go, you know, getting those things done that I wanted to do, and so now I can keep progressing and keep feeling that momentum, keep feeling good about myself, while still having the time to do whatever I need for myself whether it's taking a nap, or taking it a day off, or whatever. Yeah. So it's really just like shifting the perspective. Yeah. 

33:27
How can we look at this differently to still get this done without like getting in my own way? Yeah. I think it's harder for myself. 

33:37 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, and I will say I like to say this often on the show it's not our fault, quote unquote because we live in a society in general that has a very, we have societal norms that we're constantly being told that what something should look like while it's being done or being able to accomplish things. 

33:59
And, to your point, from the very beginning, it's like nobody is like sitting over here except for me and now all of my clients who I feel like are like the advocates of the world on growing a business with chronic illness. Like no one's saying like, oh, by the way, if you want to launch a podcast and you have a chronic illness, it might look different than what I'm telling you right now. Right, like, no one is saying that like that many people. Or even if it's not a podcast, maybe it's a blog post, maybe it's just your business in general. No, you don't want to show up on social media every day because half the time you're in bed. Okay, that's okay. So I think, for what I'm hearing from you is that was giving yourself the permission to find what's easy. 

34:41 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yeah, giving myself to find what's easy, but also like to your point of how we're so conditioned by the world around us. The other big element for me was like getting clear on what I actually wanted. Yeah, versus all the noise in my head, then I thought it was my voice, but it was like so many voices that I've heard my whole life on the news. Yeah, yeah. And I maybe didn't even realize that I didn't have or was searching for that clarity. 

35:23 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Most of you all don't. Yeah, that's a constant reminder I'm hearing from all of y'all. 

35:31 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yeah, we just go through life on autopilot, following the path or the steps that have been laid out for us, that we think we're supposed to take. And yeah, for me that was another big thing was kind of realizing that I need to just stop first and take a moment to get in tune with what actually is that I want for myself. 

36:02 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, and I like to say too it's like we have so many voices in our heads, all of these different voices from different people, and oftentimes we have chosen to listen to them without actually choosing to listen to them. It becomes just what we do because everyone has said it, and so often when I'm asking questions, it's probably part of the biggest thing that I do with everyone is ask a lot of questions Like do you really so? What is it that you and y'all like always look at me a little like oh, niki just asked me another question sometimes, and I'm like I love you. This is why I'm asking you a question, because we make decisions so instantaneously right and to the point about mindfulness. To me, mindfulness is not just we need to be, we need to learn how to teach ourselves to think about the decisions. That's feeling good within our conscience, our body, so that we can actually do the action that falls behind that right. 

37:06
And so in the world, we're constantly being bombarded with the decisions that people tell us we're supposed to do right, versus the other way around. And like here's the information, what would you like to do? The A, b and C or the open-ended question of like here's the paragraph bar now write it out Like what do you wanna answer? And so the thing I wanted to ask you about because I think one piece that I find for most of us when we're going through this is the need for asking for help. It's such a hard thing to do, and this is not just in business like this is like life as chronic illness warriors. I feel like there's a stigma in our own heads that if we're already feeling like a burden, we're already feeling like we are needing to prove ourselves. So our ability to like say hey, actually I need help or I need to ask for assistance can seem like such a defeat. Right yeah for sure. 

38:11
How have you, in this journey and working with me, has that changed, that mindset on that belief changed, or has that been something you're working on, consistent, like, more intentionally? 

38:28 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Oh for sure I definitely for a long time thought it was all down to me to figure out how to get all the things done and make all the things work all up and gosh. I guess in some ways, like up to a certain point, that could work Like it got me through a certain time. It got me through like that kind of like in the survival phase. So, for example, like at one of my worst times, we had just moved to Austin. My son would have been four, five, he's starting in a new preschool and we moved to Austin for a new job that my husband was starting and so he's got the demands of that, and so it fell on me to kind of like set up our home here. However, the stress of moving and making an international move and doing it with a preschooler actually made all my symptoms about a good Jillian time for us. 

39:42 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, I can only imagine Like any normal, like, yeah, any angle body person is like, moving is a feat in itself, whether across country, and then at a child, and then at like, oh my gosh, yeah. 

39:55 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
It was a dreadful and I got to one of my worst periods, you know, probably way in the beginning, before I had a diagnosis. And so, yeah, I had all these tricks because I thought I had to do everything myself. So I had all these tricks where I was like I came up with this thing where, like, if I can just get through these three tasks every day, I can get through the day. Like you know, I can do the dishwasher, do something related to laundry and like make the bed because, like that had a trickle down effect of helping me keep the place tidy, of helping me get out of bed, yada yada. 

40:29
But what I realized when, even as I started to feel better enough to start exploring how I could work differently, that was no longer going to be enough because, even as I was feeling better, I was trying to add something now in my life and it was just too much to juggle. And, yes, I was very like, staunchly defiant for a while, like no, I'm just going to keep doing it this way, I'll figure it out. 

41:03 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, yeah, I'm surviving, I'm fine, I'm going to do it. 

41:07 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
It's all good, I'll figure out how to make it work. And actually, what happened was clearly it was evident to everyone but me because you and my dietitian and my therapist and who the heck knows who else, started to kind of drop these hints Like are there any areas where you feel that perhaps you benefit from some help, that you'd like some help, that you'd like to get some help? Well, yeah, for a long time I was so against it. But the more and more I heard it and leaned into the fact that if I'm hearing this message over and over, it must be for a reason, I realized, okay, yeah, maybe this is something I need to try, because I felt like, ultimately, it was limiting. I was limiting myself to keep trying to put my head down and like forge ahead, doing everything myself. That part. 

42:08 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yes, I was limiting myself. 

42:12 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I was trying to like be the mom, take care of the home, start the business, take care of my health. I've got this chronic condition that comes back around like clockwork every month, but I'm just going to keep doing it myself and I realized, well, that's not going to work, because I'm not going to be able to expand in any areas that I want to expand, because I'm already like overcapacity. Yeah. And so, yeah, I leaned in. And leaning into help is certainly going to look vastly different from person to person. 

42:49 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yes, absolutely. 

42:51 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
We don't have family anywhere near us, so I ended up looking into like after school childcare for my son, getting help around the house, but also leaning into the good friends that we've made our neighbors here. Yeah. That probably would have been the hardest one if I hadn't started learning that lesson back in London, where we also didn't have any family, because it's not like me going to a service for help, it's me opening up myself to another human being. 

43:37 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Being vulnerable, yeah Right. And accepting help or asking. 

43:44 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
But that's been so helpful. We're so fortunate to have on either side of us people who have children the same age, and so from the moment we got here, I've been more and more over time just kind of being really open about my challenges with my PMDD and with not having family around. 

44:05
And yeah, now I'm at a point where like, yeah, I'm happy for him to go, my son to go eat somewhere else or go you know, I think, and like hang out with him for a couple hours or something, but that was really, you know, hard to lean into, quite to the extent that I do now. Yeah. Initially. 

44:27 - Nikita Williams (Host)
And I personally like being on the other side of seeing it. It feels you feel lighter, experiencing it Like even when it's like I'm going to need to ask for more support. It's not like the mindset of like I'm going to need to ask for help, but I'm really going to hate when I do this, like it's like I'm so thankful that I get to ask for help, like it's a completely different embodiment of that right and that energy in itself is draining when you are asking for help but you're dreading it and you're hating it and you're feeling like this is not, like it means so much about me in a negative sense, versus like I'm just human, like this is a human thing Totally. 

45:06 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
That's the change. That's the change because, yeah, obviously there have been times in life where, ultimately, I've had to ask for help, but I did it so like resentfully, and so much self loathing. 

45:19
And then, back when we were in London, there were two people who, like, really taught me how to just allow myself to have a community and let people help me if they're offering, let them extend their kindness to me if I'm struggling and one. I don't know if I ever told her this and now you've just prompted me to go. I'm going to tell her this because I firmly believe, like, in telling people how they've affected you. Yes, me too. 

45:53
So one was our neighbor in London I was with between PTSD and PMDD. I often was very, had a great deal of social anxiety and just panic and discomfort around, like any interactions with others. And this person who lived next to us, she was always so kind, always extending herself to us, always engaging with me, and I was like how is she still being so nice? I'm so awkward. I know that I can feel the wall, that I'm moving to Like I can feel me. 

46:36 - Nikita Williams (Host)
How does she not feel this? Yes, oh my goodness, yeah. 

46:42 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
But she was always there and it was so good and so helpful. And then, oh gosh, my very, very, very good friend in London we just had a text about this yesterday, this morning, because she said that she had started listening to my podcast and she wasn't quite aware with how much I had been dealing with and that she kind of wished that she had been a better friend and I said, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop right there. 

47:11
Oh wow, and she was the greatest person I could have had in my life at that period in my life, because asking for help was the last thing I ever ever would have considered. But one she always made me feel okay to be myself around her, despite how awkward I felt with all my crazy symptoms. And two, she was always extending help. No matter how many times I said no, or no matter how many times I said oh fine, she was always extending her help. And it's not like she didn't have anything to do. She's got three kids of her own. Yeah. 

47:57
She's out there helping other people as well. We met through the press feeding support that we were doing, but just was always there and through them I really learned Community. I had an accept that community. Yeah, I had an accept that community. Make it if you have to make it, accept it if someone's offering it. But it really, just like you said, makes things so much lighter, like my mood is so much lighter, yeah. 

48:23 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Accepting the help. So while you were talking, all I could, what I was hearing and it's such a something that's been coming up recently even in my own journaling and coaching and my own stuff is that there's such a difference between surviving and choosing to thrive. Not thriving Like you know, we always say, oh, you can thrive, like it sounds so, like yes, my show is called crafted to thrive, but I feel like crafted. There's a reason why I use the word crafted is because it is literally being a decision, like a molding into the thriving Like you are not just thriving Like you have to one, accept and see how you have been molded to thrive. 

49:10
And in our lives, when we're spending so much time surviving, so the things we probably needed at the time, like you, were sharing, like needing community and needing all these things, it wasn't that you were choosing them, they needed to happen for you to survive. But now that you've kind of had a different mindset shift, even for myself, when I choose to do something to give me help or to help me expand or grow or whatever, I see that I'm choosing to thrive. I see that I'm choosing to have what is good, what is joyful, what it's you know all of those beautiful things, which is very different than, like, I have to sleep because I literally am about to die, like versus I'm going to rest today because I know and I feel like I need rest. It's completely different. 

50:02 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, my brain is exploding right now with like yeah, I'm just like yeah. 

50:11 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Like it's so different and so I, you're so right. Right, it's different, like it's not that these things aren't there. It's not like people were seeing us like on the side of our life, hanging on and didn't they chose to do something right, they leaned into something. We went to the doctor because we had to go, like we, we did all these have tos, should ofs or need tos versus I'm choosing to. 

50:39
The choice to thrive is so much different than surviving, like someone said to me recently about like, really, they were really struggling, being themselves up about rest Right, and they're like I already have to rest a lot anyway because I have my chronic illness. I have all these challenges and I'm like but what if you chose to rest? Like it wasn't a have to, it wasn't like I got to do this? What if it was? I get to, I get to choose to rest right now that mine chat of what you're having. 

51:12
Your head will be like you might have some, like you might have some friction because you're so used to survival sleep. You're so used to like surviving your business. This is what I think of the difference between hustle and like. Holistically moving in your business is like hustle is like in that survivor, fighter, fight mode, right Versus like to thrive or to have a sustainable holistic business is like I'm going to choose, I'm going to lean into, I'm going to like. It's a completely different vibe and it's a completely different capacity you give yourself when you make the choice, yes, to thrive than just to survive. 

51:54 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Okay, I have a yes and for you oh, okay, I'm ready. All right, yes, first of all, I just like blew my mind with the whole like choosing to thrive thing, because I think initially many of us think like thriving is something that just happened and it doesn't necessarily just happen, but also it's like it's not, like I think we can feel like thriving is something that some people got lucky and it just happened. Yeah, or it just happened. Yeah. 

52:25
And however often, I think the thing I always like to kind of remember is that that transition from surviving to choosing to thrive like totally happens at different times. Yes, in different ways, and it's such a stark difference in the mind when you're surviving and you're not quite in the place yet, when you can choose to thrive. 

53:00 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Yeah, absolutely. 

53:02 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
And so there's a place for all of it. Yeah. In fact it's probably you probably have to go through those. Yes, some of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I also agree with you that it's like it's a thing we can choose and then, like, take the meaningful steps and the meaningful action to work toward. 

53:28 - Nikita Williams (Host)
That part. 

53:29 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
And I think that the reason that so many times I'd be working with you and I'd feel like, oh my god, this is amazing. I feel like I'm learning the same stuff here that I'm learning in my mindfulness practice is because in mindfulness, what we try to do is to slow down enough or like quiet ourselves enough to take a look at what we're experiencing and you know there's steps to that too, right, like the first step is to kind of just see if we can identify what's there and what we're feeling. 

54:02 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Right. 

54:03 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
And then see if we can accept it. Yeah. And then try to change it, not try to fix it. Yeah, make it go away. Yeah. 

54:11
And then if we can get to the next step. It's about like being curious about that. What is there something we can, that we need that? We have ourselves, yeah, be nicer to ourselves about it and sort of being on ourselves. And I think that the way that I found that in our work together were those moments where you would like just pause and just be like here's a question you don't even have to answer, it now I'm going to put in the universe. You can journal about it when you're ready. 

54:45
You know you can like ponder it later when you're ready. 

54:48 - Nikita Williams (Host)
When you're ready. 

54:50 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Like it is something that you can choose at some point, when you're ready to then look into what can I do, what can I give myself here, how can I like choose to thrive? 

55:05 - Nikita Williams (Host)
We're thinking, too, that we have to do something before we thrive. So what I mean by that is like we're often thinking I have to have all these duckies in the row before I can choose to thrive. Right, it's a? It's a very common thing I have. I am guilty of this. 

55:27
I also hear oftentimes with my clients and just people like, well, I have to have all of these things in place in order to get to the place that I think I want to get to, and I always like what if it's literally that you have decided that, even though I'm in this place, and which is why I think people who decide to invest in coaching or decide to say yes to therapy are so courageous, because your brain is probably not 100% on board with you doing this, right, because you're like I should probably have all of these other things on deck before I ask or step into this world of like whatever. 

56:10
But that's that's the step of stepping into thriving. It's like doing it before you think you have all of it together, right, and that is that if you can find that little sliver of wherever you are in the process, whether you're surviving, or even if you feel like you have been choosing to thrive in your stuff and you're stuck in some areas like where's that little step of courage? Or even even if it's not courage, even if it's just hope and hope to me is like everything, like even if it's just hope that this one choice can help me get out of wherever the dark place that I'm choosing or I am in. Whether choice or not can lead to where you have more ability to choose to thrive is the most impactful thing I think anyone can like, wherever they are in that journey. Do but yeah. 

57:05 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Because hope means possibility. 

57:06 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Absolutely yeah. 

57:08 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
But I wanted to say you mentioned like, which I think is so common, the idea of like. By the way, I think I have like a piece of lint in my eyelash and that's what I keep trying to pull out, and I think you mentioned that so many of us kind of feel like we want to have all our ducks in a row before we can thrive, or we think that that's what you need to do or that's how it works, and in fact, like then there's this whole other group of us who actually it happens when we hit rock bottom because that's when we go. Oh no, forget it, I'm not doing this anymore. 

57:42
I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore. There's gonna be a different way. Not even like there must be a different way. There's just going to be a different way. 

57:50 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Right. 

57:50 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
We're going to do things differently now. Yeah. Right, and then you start slowly making changes in how you move through life. Yeah. And to get yourself closer. Yeah, 100%. You want to step into next? Yeah, yeah, so good. 

58:09 - Nikita Williams (Host)
So I have one more question, and then I'll ask you to tell us where we can find you, because you can find everything about the on the show notes, where you can listen to her podcast and all of that jazz. What is the thing you're most excited and grateful for in our coaching container together? Like what has been? Like if I had to do this again, this is exactly why I would do this again. If I was hesitant, I would tell myself this oh, I love this question so much. 

58:41 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I think the thing that I have loved the most and I've gotten the most value out of that is, like the reason I do it again is that so much of our work together because there's so much minds at work and it is so much about getting clear on what you want or doing things in the way that work for you, not for some idea of how we think we should get things done. 

59:10
By extension, it's like it's been like life therapy, because we carry so much stuff through our whole lives that tend to hold us back through our whole lives, and it's just been such a thing that I've been able to work through so many things way beyond my PMDD, that came well before my PMDD, that have helped me feel clear on how I want to move forward in my business and my life, and I feel so good about it. I feel so good about the decisions I'm making. 

01:00:03 - Nikita Williams (Host)
And you're having so much fun. Every time I hear you unboxer, you're like I feel like I'm talking to a younger, excited version of you. You're like, and I am and I'm going to, and I'm just like she's so excited about this. I love that you're having so much fun doing it. It's amazing. 

01:00:20 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
You are. 

01:00:25 - Nikita Williams (Host)
I love it, though I love it, I love it, I love it, I so love it. 

01:00:30 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
I just want to add something to what I just said, because not only like has it helped me get clear so far beyond just my business, but the one of the things that I think is so extraordinary about how you work, from at least from my experience is never once have I ever felt judged like the thing that I'm thinking is, you know, maybe not the best idea or whatever it's made, every, every, every call we've ever had, I get more and more and more comfortable sharing like the scariest ideas inside me that I don't want to verbalize. 

01:01:19
You know, whether it's a goal or a thing I want to try, or I have this idea to do this. You know, like, and I and I start I think I started like by telling you like because I've had this my whole life, or I'll sit on something for so long I can't get it out because I'm it's like the fear of like rejection, right or stupid or whatever it is, and I would tell you like, okay, I'm just saying this thing, I'm going to put it out there because I'm kind of afraid to say it, but it's been in my head so I have to get it on my head. 

01:01:46
Yes, yes, these crazy things and I, you know, I'm thinking they're sounding crazy- but you're like bracing for it, yeah, yeah yeah, and you're always receiving everything with like such kindness and such an open mind and such an open heart. 

01:02:02
Nothing's crazy. You couldn't say anything crazy that would shock you, and you're always like just me, why it's all normal that I feel this way or you know whatever it is, and so that just makes like the benefit I get out of our relationship like exponentially bigger, because I feel so comfortable, like sharing with you. So, thank you. 

01:02:30 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Well, thank you for sharing that. I so received that. I'm so I try not to cry when I have these calls and if I don't cry on the call, then I go back later in the night and I'm like journaling how amazing it is and I'm balling, like I'm straight up balling. I appreciate you saying that, because that's really the reason why I will be doing this for a long time, because I didn't always experience that from coaches, especially living with chronic illness. 

01:03:02
I didn't always experience that understanding, that just that compassion of like I'm not going to do it, like how you think I should do it, because you are in my body and, as women living with chronic illness, we're constantly told how like, oh, that's just in your head, oh, you don't really experience that, you're just over exaggerating. 

01:03:25
And I don't ever want to have the space like that with my clients to feel like that in their business that they're doing in order to support their lives, and like they have these dreams. And so I hope that I'm like offering suggestions or offerings of how you could do something, but if you have an idea, I'm not going to like knock you down. I might share my real thoughts about the idea, but I am hoping to create that space that you are sharing. So I appreciate you sharing that with me and I hope anyone who's listening, who feels unseen or unheard and whatever container that they're in, that know you have the right to feel seen and heard and have this experience of being like feeling safe. Really, to me, that's I can't ever make a client feel safe, but I can create the room to allow you to access your safety Right. 

01:04:20 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yeah, I think that's all any of us ever want is just to feel seen and heard, so that we can feel validated, so we can feel like safe in being ourselves. Yeah, so yeah I certainly feel that with you. Well, thank you. 

01:04:35 - Nikita Williams (Host)
And you guys will fill that with her too, I'm pretty sure, because she's amazing and I feel safe being her coach, like I wouldn't continue being like, hey girl, let's keep going with this party. If I was like, no, no, honey, you did good, but by now no, we're. That's like. We've been amazing. I've been. It's been amazing to work with you. So listen to our podcast, everyone. Her podcast is like such a soothing vibe, it's so good. Can you tell us a little bit about your podcast and what you're looking forward to in your business and we'll hop on out of here. 

01:05:11 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Yes, so the podcast is called Mindfulness for PMDD. With Diane it's currently, I would say, almost everywhere. You would get your podcast. 

01:05:21
We're working on it, we're working on it and there's really just two places. Probably, you know very soon It'll also be up on I think it was Google podcast and Alexa were two of the places that it wasn't quite up yet. Otherwise, you know you can get it on Apple podcasts and Spotify and my heart radio and all that good stuff. The podcast is where I explore how I have come to apply mindfulness practice to PMDD to. 

01:05:54
Initially I was to get through that survival phase, so it was like one of my tools in my toolbox but eventually get to this place of more peace and acceptance that you know we've alluded to a little bit in this conversation today. So it's something that has made such a big impact in my life that I realized I wanted to start to share with other people with PMDD. Because one thing even though mindfulness was such a help for me in my PMDD journey, one thing that was always missing for me was feeling like what we just said, that I was seen and heard in my own PMDD experience. 

01:06:36
Yeah, you know as opposed to trying to kind of apply these general concepts and you know things to my PMDD. So I went through this process of figuring out all these different ways that I could make it work for me, even when I'm feeling really crappy and like I can't sit down and do a long 10 or 30 minute meditation. I found many ways to incorporate mindfulness into my life to the point that it allowed me to open up to acceptance, and so that's what I explore in the podcast. I also get really practical, like with guided meditations and mindfulness exercises and things like that. I chat with people who have specific expertise, including Nikita, yes, yeah, About specific topics that I kind of call like mindfulness adjacent. 

01:07:27
So you know, Nikita and I talked about how I have found mindfulness applied to exploring entrepreneurship as a person of chronic illness. But, for example, I also have an interview with my own dietitian and we discuss nutrition and she's like a functional medicine specialist, but she even incorporates mindfulness into what she does and I found that to be super beneficial to me. But also things like parenting, you know, work in general and just lots of other issues that you may not like at the on the surface. 

01:08:04 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Right Connection. If you're a person who lives with PMDD or pretty much any chronic illness, you will benefit from listening to Diane's podcast because it is putting the mindfulness journey in all of the aspects of our lives. Because, you know, one of my biggest things is business is personal. We cannot operate our lives in silos Like we are operating in these businesses. So what is going on in our life oftentimes leads into all these other areas of all aspects of our lives. So knowing how to cultivate a skill of being really intentional and in alignment and mindful of what's going on in your body can only make the rest of everything else in your life go better. 

01:08:44 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Exactly. I can't just talk about mindfulness in PMDD as like the silo of PMDD, because PMDD is impacting every part of our lives. Yes. So then, how can we apply that to all these different parts of our lives that are being impacted by PMDD? Yeah. 

01:09:01
And then the part I'm looking forward to in my business is that I will be starting a membership group that really has a lot more one-on-one engagement with me and follow up, because another really big issue that a lot of us have and this is for everyone is, like you hear about the benefits of mindfulness, you kind of want to try it. You do try it, but then we find it's hard to stick with it or figure out how to apply it to our lives in a really practical way. Yeah. 

01:09:28
So that's coming up and I'm working on slashing that out and I'm super excited about that. 

01:09:33 - Nikita Williams (Host)
I know it's already so good. That's all I'm going to say, but anyway, all of the deets on Diane will be in the show notes you can also find I'll also link our episode on there so that everyone can go listen to that one and just. Thank you so much for your presence and your story here. I appreciate having you. 

01:09:52 - Diane DeJesus (Guest)
Thank you. I will say it's all just developing, so I can also be found on Instagram at mindfulnessforpmdd, and that's what I'll be sharing as things develop and become available. But thank you so much. Thank you for everything but thank you also for having me here today, of course. All right. 

01:10:09 - Nikita Williams (Host)
Now stay tuned. That's a wrap, y'all. Thanks for tuning in to Crafted to Thrive, the podcast that helps entrepreneurs with chronic illness to thrive and build a holistic business and life. Check out our website at CraftedToThrivecom for this episode show notes and all the gifts and goodies. Connect with me on Instagram at thrivewithnakeda for more tips and behind the scenes and more Tap me to share what you loved about this episode and I'll feature you on an upcoming episode. So until next time, remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive.